How do you end things and move on with dignity and respect? No Ghosting!
After one or two dates, pick up the phone and use your words:
- “It was nice meeting you, but I don’t think we’re a fit… Best of luck to you.”
- I think you are a really nice/great person, but I just did not feel that connection between us. I wish you the best”
- “You deserve to be with someone who is crazy about you, and I am not feeling that way.”
- “You are a lovely person, but I feel we are not the right match (or fit).”
- “ I enjoyed our time together, but I don’t think we are a match”.
- “I am not feeling the chemistry between us, how do you feel about us being just friends?”
- “ I would like to be friends with you and if you are open, I’d like to introduce you to my friend, __________”.
After weeks or months of dating, sit face to face or get on the phone and say:
“I have enjoyed the time we have spent together, but I realize we are not a good fit.”
(It is not your job to give him or her a laundry list of things they did wrong. Instead, be kind and compassionate.) Try saying this:
My greatest takeaway from this relationship has been: (something you learned and give them a genuine compliment relating to their character make it about them not you!)
Say something like:
I learned that humor is really important to me. You have a great way of using humor to bring people together and I always admired how you used humor when you met new people. I think we both sense this isn’t working. I respect you and want to honor the time we shared by having this difficult conversation. I think we need to stop seeing each other.
You can add “my greatest takeaway from … (above).”
** If they ask for advice or feedback on areas to improve, pick one or two things you believe they can actually do and say it as nicely as you can. Remember, it’s not your job to fix this person. Deliver the feedback in a compliment sandwich (praise, feedback, more praise). For example: “I appreciate how you are always on time, I would have preferred if you had finished your calls before ringing my doorbell. Every time I opened the door you were talking to somebody and I couldn’t greet you the way I wanted to. I know you care for a lot of people, so I understand. I know you can improve that in the future.”
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