Post-Divorce Dating Questions: Do We Really Need to Know?

Nobody wants to feel interrogated.

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Have you ever been on a first date and said/or heard, “let’s get this out of the way” followed by rapid-fire questioning? Why do we really need to know so much on the first date? I am not sure, but historically, I was guilty of asking too many questions, too.

Remember, it’s a date, not an interview :-).

Nobody wants to feel interrogated. Try using open-ended questions that reveal values and character rather than closed-ended questions.

On Date 1, 2, or 3: 

Instead of asking this:

  • How long were you married?
  • How many times?
  • What happened?

(These questions can ruin any date.)

Try something like this: 

  • “We have a lot of relationship experience. What wisdom have you gained from past relationships?”

(The answers you are curious about will come up. You can get more details by saying, “tell me more about that.”)

Instead of asking this:

  • Do you have a job?
  • What do you do?

Try something like this:

  • Why did you choose the profession you are in, and what do you like about it most?

Before you take your clothes off:

Instead of asking this:

  • Do you have any addictions, crazy exes, STD’s or a criminal record?

(Don’t ask these questions unless you about to take your clothes off. If you are not getting intimate, the answers are none of your business.)

Try something like this:

  • We all have some baggage. Is there anything about you that I should know now rather than later?

Before having sex, DO ask:

ASK THIS WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON!!!

  • What kind of protection are we using and do you have any sexually transmitted diseases?

(People are embarrassed and will often lie about STDs. To be safe, both of you should get tested. If your test results are negative, agree to be monogamous and use condoms for 6 months, or as long as your doctor recommends.)

Do you want to raise your clarity and self-awareness? Coaching can help you become more intentional, empathetic and caring to yourself and others. Call Galia!

Continue the conversation by leaving a comment on The Good Men Project.

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