Superman or Clark Kent?

Give him a chance, he might have superpowers too.

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My dating journey started in earnest in 1982, I was 16, a junior in high school and I fell in love with a sincere, thoughtful and loving Clark Kent-type. Initially, I was infatuated with the tall, handsome and athletic new guy, he looked like Superman. I quickly discovered he was shy, introverted, intelligent and artistic. I remember feeling relaxed, joyful and attractive in his company. We spent every waking moment we could together, sharing and supporting each other’s interests, friends and families. After 3 years, while attending college several states away from each other, we tearfully broke up. We couldn’t handle the distance.

At the time, I was 19, a sophomore in college and I went in search of a new boyfriend. Time and time again, I fell in lust and became obsessed with guys who looked like my first boyfriend-tall, athletic, confident, leaders. However, they lacked the yummy inside qualities that turn infatuation into love. I had no idea that I should be focusing on inside qualities and values rather than the muscles, height and swagger.

For years I dated and broke up with Superman upon Superman, I even married one. Don’t get me wrong, Superman can be great. My ex-husband and many of those guys I dated are smart, funny and honorable good men.

The Superman types I met would wow me from day one. Their cocky, fast-talking ways presented a challenge to me. I responded with my own type A personality and my subliminal message to them was “you think you’re all that, well you’ve met your match”.

Looking back, I sparred more than I loved. I used my quick wit and sexuality as my currency and convinced Superman and myself that I was independent and I didn’t need anything.

When you tell someone you don’t need anything, you get nothing!

I have learned that asking for what you want in a relationship is love.

It took me 52 years, and now I realize that Clark Kent is Superman.

You know the guy, he is shy, quiet (yeah sometimes he wears glasses), he may seem a little awkward at first, look a little closer… Give him a chance, he has superpowers too.

Do you want to raise your clarity and self-awareness? Coaching can help you become more intentional, empathetic and caring to yourself and others. Call Galia!

Continue the conversation by leaving a comment on The Good Men Project.

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